it's okay to be culture shocked

It took me the last little bit to decide if I wanted to write this or not. It is oft times embarrassing to admit to a weakness, especially when that weakness is also a strength. I have always considered myself to be a rather open-minded individual. I am capable to seeing multiple points of view, though I hold strongly (sometimes too strongly) to my own opinions. I love this world and because of that, I find myself capable of seeing different views from various cultures and understand how they work. I am able to understand different economies, policies, religions, and a myriad of other cultural aspects because I have a deep desire to understand others. Basically, I am darn proud of never really going through culture shock.

culture shock (n) – the feeling of disorientation experienced by someone who is suddenly subjected to an unfamiliar culture, way of life, or set of attitudes

There are four phases to culture shock:

1)     Honeymoon. It is during this period that the old and new cultures are view in a romantic light—seeing through the rose-colored glasses. It is during this period that you are fascinated, associating every event or moment with positivity.

2)     Negotiation. This is the period when the differences between the old and new cultures become apparent, thus creating anxiety. This is when you begin to perceive the hardness, the difficulties, the frustrations. Suddenly you take extreme notice of language barriers, cultural differences, even food.

3)     Adjustment. This is a period when you grow accustomed to the new culture and develop routines. Instead of anxiety and frustrations, you begin to focus on living again, looking at what you can do normally within the new culture.

4)     Mastery. This stage is debatable, as there are many who would call is “going native”. I disagree. Mastery means that you are able to participate fully and comfortably in the new culture, acting as if you were in the old culture. It is often referred to as “bicultural”.

There is also reverse culture shock, which is one returns to the old (or home) culture and goes through what is described above.

So, there it is: laid out in black and white. Culture shock.

Now, I say that I have never really gone through culture shock and that is true. I have mentioned before that I lived in Cairo, Egypt to study Arabic and had the opportunity to spend time in other Middle Eastern countries. Being American, it is logical to assume that the culture shock would be massive because it isn’t exactly a horizontal transition. But, I didn’t really have any issues. Why? I was prepared to not really enjoy it.

In preparation for the study abroad, the Arabic professors spent 8 weeks drilling what the “real” Egypt, the “real” Middle East is like. Of course I had studied this part of the world for the previous two years, so I felt more prepared, but they emphasized the importance of not romanticizing this place. I still clearly remember Dil, the head of the Arabic department, saying that “it is a grungy, dirty, loud, dusty place.” And he was right, it was most definitely those things, but it didn’t surprise me. Because I felt like I knew what to expect, I knew that I couldn’t romanticize everything. I was able to find the beauty, dive into the culture, and get to know the people. It was magnificent. My love for that place came instantly. Was I ready to go home at the end? Of course, but if you offered me a ticket to Egypt tomorrow, I would go.

England was very much the same in terms of feeling prepared to go through culture shock and never experiencing it. I love it there, too. Belfast for CELTA this summer was also wonderful.

But, China is not the same. I learned Mandarin as part of preparation to go to England and I felt like I would have more of a connection to China. Why? I have no idea, just because I guess. I have Chinese friends, Taiwanese friends, and know loads of people that have lived, studied, and worked in China and Taiwan. I have been told countless times how great it is and how much I would love China when I went.

And guess what? I don’t love it here.

I don’t hate it, I don’t love it. I like it fine, though I have experienced what culture shock is for the first time. It hit me full force and came fast and hard, thought it took time to realize that culture shock was what I was going through. The first two days were wondrous, trying to decipher the characters (like chukou for exit) and understand the conversations happening around me. Then came the negotiation. I realized the people were staring at me because I look different, though Shanghai does have a higher expat population so seeing a foreigner isn’t rare here. But people look. I don’t like sticking out. One of my favorite things about the Middle East was that I blended in. I had people ask me what part of Egypt I was from and I found it so complimentary. When I was in Jerusalem, I had natives speak to me in Arabic and Hebrew, assuming that I was a Palestinian or Jew respectively. It was great being part of the people. Here in China, I definitely can’t blend in with the crowd and that is hard for me. I am also pretty tall, so I stand (on average) a head, if not two, taller than the crowd. 

It is frustrating not being able to read signs or understand the conversations around me. It is hard not being able to fully communicate with people. I don’t like not being able to read the ingredient lists because I need to know if things have wheat in them. The air is hot and humid, I live in a state on constant stickiness. The pollution has been so thick on some mornings that I hardly can see a block ahead of me. Chinese people do things differently, even how they get on subways and it is not the easiest to get used to. Shanghai has 24 million plus people in it and on most days, it feels like it.

And then I felt guilty about everything. Why didn’t I love it here? What is wrong with me? I spent much of my time wondering what I was doing wrong. I felt bad about how I was feeling. I had a Chinese person tell me, “ah, so now you love it here” and I couldn’t respond with a fervent “yes”, so I just said that I liked it and avoided further conversation about the topic. This change hasn’t been easy, but I felt and continue to feel that I should be doing this better.

During this time it didn’t hit me that I was experiencing culture shock. That is an even more important aspect that is never mentioned when reading about culture shock: you need to recognize those feelings. There is no reason to feel bad or guilty that you are not immediately in love with a place and realize that what you are probably feeling is culture shock.

I told these feelings to a friend of mine and she told me something brilliant. She said that now that I recognize my feelings of culture shock that it will be easier to move forward. She also brought up the point that I may never love the whole package that is living in China, but I will find things that I do love. And she’s right. I am looking forward to next summer when my time here will be over, but I hope that between now and then I will find a love of China. Not all of China, mind you, but a love for its people because that is what truly makes a country great.

That’s my point today. It is okay to be cultured shocked. It is okay not to love everything about every place you ever visit. I plan on teaching in various other nations and I don’t expect that I will love everything about those places because there are things I don’t enjoy about where I am from. There are things I didn’t enjoy in Egypt, Jordan, Israel, England, Scotland, and Ireland. We aren’t perfect and it is unreasonable (and really, just plain idiotic) to hold ourselves to a ridiculous standard. It’s okay to have varied feelings, it’s okay to have moments where all you want is a massive bowl of ice cream (mint ice cream, just in case you were wondering).

I am grateful for this time that I have to be in China. I am grateful for this experience because it is teaching me loads of things about myself and the world around me. I don’t expect that these next 10 months will be roses and daisies now that I have had this realization, though I know that I can put this knowledge to good use.

Cheers! Here’s to being cultured shocked.